The Man

Born December 26, 1984 to Greg Walters and Margaret Lloyd, Brian Walters was introduced to the world and has continued to make his mark, ever since.

His genius was evident at only 16 months old, when he successfully put together a jigsaw puzzle of the United States. A fact his mother doesn’t let him forget. Upon entering elementary school at Double File Trail, he quickly impressed his other classmates with his uncanny drawings of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

In first grade, he experienced his first taste of humility when he was defeated in singular combat by another child, on the playground. A young girl, named Megan, came to his rescue…and that’s when he discovered a fondness for the fairer sex.

It was in second grade, at Summit Elementary, when Brian discovered the wonder and badassness of the Marvel world. While at after-school YMCA, he would receive various Marvel cards from the head coach. Along with a growing collection of Marvel comics and cards, the X-Men animated series was premiering on Fox. The dye was cast and a hardcore enthusiast was born.

Third through fifth grade saw Brian becoming increasing social and interested in science, namely biology. In the fourth grade, he won first place in the River Oaks Elementary Science Fair and moved on to State, in which he placed second. He also became heavily involved in baseball, soccer and Tae Kwon Do, in which he is currently a 1st Degree Black belt.

Middle school was three years of hormones, emotional roller coasters and acne. Girlfriends came and went, friends fought and made up and we seemed to learn a new cuss word or dirty joke, every day.

In 1999, a lifelong dream was realized when Brian was enrolled to attend high school at Round Rock High, Home of the Dragons! High school proved to be four of the most developmental and enjoyable years, helping to mold Brian into what he is today. The awkwardness of middle school quickly faded, his interest in computers and science expanded and he socially bloomed. Described by many as ‘The Gandhi of Round Rock High’, Brian was able to effectively interact with various niches, using his charm and sense of humor win over enemies and make lifelong friends.

After graduating from Round Rock High, in 2003, Brian took a year off to half-ass go to Austin Community College, drink to excess and indulge in a shitton of sex and drugs. His apartment soon became ‘the place to be’ for his circle of friends. Though it was dirty and filled with smoke, it was also filled with friends. Many a night, Brian would come home from a long day at work and be welcomed to a raucous ‘Walters is home!’ from an apartment full of buddies, a party already underway. But like all things, the party had to end eventually. August of 2004 saw Brian move to Waco, Texas to attend Texas State Technical College.

Upon moving to Waco, Texas Brian was introduced to ‘grills’, metal that black people and white trash mold to put over their teeth, and neck tattoos, symbols that minorities imbue upon themselves to signify their low social standing. Yes, Waco proved to be an absolute shit hole. Brian saw his car get broken into TWICE in one week. The city itself is made up of Section 8 project housing and Baylor University. Brians once open minded attitude was jaded by a new found fear and disgust for ghetto culture. After three years of college and working pizza delivery on the side, Brian graduated from Texas State Technical College, in the summer of 2007. When leaving Waco, he took with him an Associated Degree in Computer Maintenance Technology and one of the greatest conquests of his life to date; banging his smoking hot, blond, 34DD, 27 year old Baylor Science teacher neighbor.

Shortly after graduating college, Brian was approached by a Department of Defense contracting company. After a brief courtship, Brian accepted the companys offer of $151,000.00 a year to work for them as a Field Service Technician and on November 27th, 2007, he found himself in the far off land of Iraq. Over the next year a half, Brian not only traveled all across the country of Iraq working at various military installations but he was able to expand his worldy experience by vacationing in Mexico, Japan and Kuwait.

By March of 2009, Brian had had enough of the desert life and decided to move back to civilization. His return to the U.S.A. just so happened to coincide with the stock market crash of ’09. Despite this, Brian was able to purchase a house as well as a ’72 Corvette Stingray and live a very comfortable lifestyle. It soon became evident that the job market in the States was in absolute shambles. After hopping from contract temp job to contract temp job, call center to call center, Brian finally landed his dream job; dedicated IT Technician for an office building in downtown Austin, Texas. Having reached the promise land of IT gigs, he promised himself he would never again work in another call center.

The afterglow of working for Texas Mutual Insurance had not even begun to fade when Brian was presented an offer from DynCorp to work as a Computer Technician in Afghanistan. In early December of 2010, Brian accepted DynCorps offer of contracted employment and by January 12th, 2011 he found himself in Kandahar, Afghanistan.

And that, my friends, is where our hero finds himself today. Working every day and trying to survive in this shit-fuck of a country.